As written in my last post, I am in the process of plucking the thorns from body as I recover from an ever-wonderful breakup. While plucking, I have realized the value of being single and I am absorbing the solidity that it brings. I am not by any means saying that it is not hard, because it certainly is, but I have a will that has grown within me to keep me going.
I am thinking one would ask "Why would it be hard to be single?" and I would regard this as a very legitimate question. While this is embarrassing and pathetic to admit, my answer to the question is: I do not know the last time I was without a boyfriend. There. I said it. It is strange to comprehend, sad to admit, yet, funny to realize.
It is strange that I have never really understood how dependent I was on another human being for my pull to happiness. I suppose the sadness derives from my lack of dependence on God, and all of the time I have wasted in between. Then there is the funny realization. I can find humor in it now, because God still was unrelenting in every relationship. I would ask God if this is not to be, then tear it down - and He would. Nonetheless, without thought, I would continue with my way. It was as if God was acting as the bulldozer to my "relationship life" and after the mess was cleaned up, I would carry on without sending Him a thank you card. How rude of me.
Now, here I am. God has decided to do a bit of bulldozing again, and this time, I will wait. I will be patient. I will listen. I will be more willing and open to who, and more importantly, what He wants for my life. With all of this said, I will blatantly admit that I have tried to go my own way regarding my emotions, but even that did not work out. I literally had to give everything to God, and I mean everything. Once I did just that, I knew there could not possibly be a greater feeling of freedom.
I'll end by saying solidity rhymes with validity. Solidity is what I rest in and God's validity in helping me rely solely on Him is what keeps me going. I cannot wait until I can say the statement, "I do not know the last time I have had a boyfriend." and mean this.
One more thing. I would love to thank my two new followers: Julia and Crescendo! You two are lovely. Thank you!
I've been in that situation. I was in relationships through junior high all the way through college and beyond with very few opportunities to be single in between...and then, when I was 25, I broke up with my boyfriend, and I was single for the first time in over a decade. It lasted a little more than a year and it was one of the best, most fulfilling years of my life. I developed hobbies I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I got in shape, made some awesome friends and just really got to know myself. I had so much fun I wasn't even remotely interested in dating anyone for more than a year!
ReplyDelete"God has decided to do a bit of bulldozing"
ReplyDeletesuch a lovely way of putting it my dear.
i adore reading your posts.. truly.
aw your a doll! Im going through a similar situation and what i've found that over time from being separated from someone i had spent so much time with, that being single has really helped me learned what i truly want. I found things in him that I will be looking for in my next partner, but it has given me time to reconnect with friends who hadn't spent much time with and to do things without having to worry about anyone else. I know it sounds silly, but being single really can have its perks!
ReplyDeletefeel better! xo
You constrantly remind me of why i love you so much:) Like I said you don't need him you got me...and Jesus:)
ReplyDeleteAll of your stories have helped me so much. I really thank you for that :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you and God can grow closer because of this.
ReplyDeleteI know breakups can be rough. And being single feels like a punishment sometimes.
But you're looking at it from the right angle! :)