My Suffering Sin.

Loving my enemies. Yes, yes that is what I suffer from. This is the one thing that I find most challenging when it comes to my every day living. It's not the forgiveness that I find hard nor is it the forgetting part. It's the bitterness that bites and tears at my insides when the person repeatedly does the action of what ever I had already forgave and forgotten them for.

This happens more at the work place than any other setting and I cannot stress enough at how badly I am burned by the annoyances. Whether it's a co-worker who is the annoyance or a call, I feel like I am eaten alive by these daily irritations and I feel overwhelmed. What it comes down to is that I am not loving my enemies. See, even the word 'enemies' sounds so harsh, like, I'm about to step into a battle; therefore, let's change the word 'enemy' to 'adversary' for the time being.

Okay, let me be blatantly honest for a second or two and write out what I am truly feeling - I probably will regret this. Opinions, we all have them, we are all familiar with ours and we tend to throw them like darts when we're offended in a conversation. Let's just say that one is to work with a very highly opinionated person who has recently been noted as an 'adversary'. The problem is, is that these opinions that this person holds are used in times when they aren't asked for. For example, imagine it's story time and you're reading a book to children whom have just found out that the Three Little Pigs are being harassed by the Big Bad Wolf. Suddenly, one child spurts out that, really, the Big Bad Wolf has every right to be blowing down their houses and there's no if, ands or buts about it. Story time is ruined.

Must be slightly annoying to the story teller. Try having this done during adult story time and about serious conversations. Opinions are thrown around the office I work at like flying missiles, when no one asked for war. It's absolutely mind-boggling to me that one would think that their opinion overrides whatever it is (like, let's say, raising money to feed the needy on Thanksgiving). The opinions, or missiles, that are thrown in my direction are always aimed to offend. Honestly, I cannot fathom why anyone would want to do such a thing to anyone. My opinion? If you don't like what I'm saying, don't share. I don't share my thoughts on everything I disagree with your life. Why?

Because it's not my place.

Back to loving my adversaries. It's extremely tough. I have Bible verses written so I catch myself before throwing a missile back, but sometimes my own self kicks into gear. I cannot stand my actions or myself in those moments, but what am I to do? Love my adversary. That's the only answer I know. Love them because that's the right thing to do. But really, all I want to do is love them because it'll kill them. It's put such a bad taste in my mouth, but I have to persevere. Grudges are something I've never been good at, and it'll remain that way. I suppose I'll continue on my way while bringing forth a good manner when the situation arises.

Love my enemies. No matter what. Right? Right.

Love.

"... love is a reverence, and a worship, and glory, and the upward glance. Not a bandage for dirty sores. But they don't know it. Those who speak of love most promiscuously are the ones who've never felt it. They make some sort of feeble stew out of sympathy, compassion, contempt and general indifference, and they call it love. Once you've felt what it means to love as you and I know it - the total passion for the total height - you're incapable of anything less."

- The Fountainhead written by Ayn Rand

The film 'Once'.

I'd like to happily announce that I've been introduced to the film Once, and I must say that it is one of the best films I've ever seen.

The songs that are, by the way, originally written, have the most beautiful lyrics. In fact "Falling Slowly" won an Academy Award. Another great fact about Once is that it was made in a matter of eight days and there is no adjustment to lighting, which only adds to its dramatic pull.

I recommend this film for that rainy day or that day your heart needs a smile. There's such a great pull into the film and the voices of both Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova will sure to be the music added to your iPod and singing through your headphones.

"Moods that take me and erase me and I'm painted black. You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself. It's time that you won. Take this sinking boat and point it home. We've still got time. Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice. You've made it now"

Thank you's, mommy's, and little men.

I haven't any idea on what to post about. My "Reestablishment of Love" post received more attention and love than I had expected. Not only did my cheeks hurt from smiling, but my heart smiled, too.

Since my ideas have been scarce, I decided to write about four lovely little boys whose mommy's are absolutely amazing. The mommy's are young, but that makes no difference. Their beauty shines through their kids, and it gives me much anticipation for my mommy moment. Below are some of the most handsome little boys one could ever conceive.

This first one is my god son, Christian, and my best friend, Angel.

Their journey together is such an amazing story. I love them so much.

This is Elijah. I can tell you he loves to drool and

his mommy, Danielle, is always there to wipe it up.

They're both so amazing. I love them!

This little guy is Larry. Larry's beautiful mommy is Meighan.

Also, how great is this picture?!

This little smiley is Aiden and his amazing mother is Samantha.

I've known her since high school,

and our nicknames weren't nearly as cute as this little man.
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One more thing: I would love to thank Miss Moose and her incredibly sweet post. She has encouraged not only my writing, but plenty of others. I would like to give her an e-hug, because those are the type of posts that make others and myself smile. I'd also like to welcome my new followers: Tinkerbell, Nicolette Kristin, and Tiffany! I thank you girls so much for the following of my very Unhinged Thoughts.

The Reestablishment of Love.

I want to start out by asking: "What does love mean to you?" Think about the answer before too many thoughts pile into your mind, and then take the main thought and keep it until I'm done writing this entry and see if your meaning of 'love' lines up.

To me, the word 'love' takes on two meanings: 1) A relationship in which two people share a common feeling for one another, and 2) The platonic type of love - the love for your mother, father, sibling and so forth. It wasn't until I became a Christian did I realize the true meaning of love and what God intends it to mean. With this blog, whether you're a Christian or not, hopefully the real meaning of love will come across in a clearer way.

Obviously my definition of love has always been a physical type of love - the X's and the O's - but never the type of love that I can look at someone and say to myself "I have no idea who they are, what they've done or where they've been... but I love them." Age, race, and gender, these things don't exist when love is applied. The application of love is not a respecter of people. Just like God. According to WikiAnswers, the Bible refers to love "approximately 311 times". With that stated, most Christian's know the verses 1 Corinthians 13 where it speaks of love, but my favorite part is at the end when Paul wraps it up by stating:

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Have you ever wondered what Paul meant by this? It's taken a lot of thought, but an epiphany came to me one night while in the car with my boyfriend. Our conversation was on the subject of love and what God has intended for this word. My thought was:

"I think God has intended to show us that He knew that love is difficult for us. Love is this feeling that is supposed to be given to anyone without thought; something that is not based off physical attraction. God obviously knew that this was to be one of the hardest struggles as man. We get mad as we're in traffic because someone is driving entirely too slow for our liking, so we do things that are completely un-Christian. We're fully human, it's just what we do. God has set out to show us that if we show love, the real true love that He has reiterated 311 times, then we're really running after His heart and desiring what He wants in our lives."

My thoughts started out as a jog, then they turned into a full-fledged sprint. I wanted to turn to the next person I saw and scream that I loved them. Of course I didn't do this, because I didn't want the awkward stares or the cops called, but what I did do was change my outlook. I did this entire reboot of the word love in my "brain dictionary" and reestablished it as something that doesn't limit itself. I am to love the homeless, the drug addict, the Jehovah's witness that shows up at my door, the guy who cuts me off in traffic and the person on the phone who has endless questions. My heart is to be God's heart. My heart is to reach out to every single person without judgement or a second thought. That's what He has intended all this time.

I don't want to be taken wrong in this blog post. When I became a Christian, I knew that my definition of love had to change, but I never quite put it into action. It took sometime but what it came down to was the act of defrosting my heart to realize God's meaning and to have a reestablishment of love.

I have a shirt that I wear sometimes that boldly says: "Love God, Love Others", and it now feels great to know this is what I am literally doing.

Now, what does love mean to you?