I feel as if my mind is pacing to and fro, searching for something to write about. My thoughts come to me in the car or in the middle of my sleep. I take note of them at the time, before they evaporate amongst the rest of my thoughts. One idea was to write on the concept of friendship/relationship and its importance. Then another was to write based off of the question, "What happens when we are called to live?"
But where did they go? My writing has not been on its tip-toes as it usually is. I am reading great books, which typically inspires and then churns the machinery in my mind. C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity" is my most recent read and it is incredibly insightful. His thinking is beyond me; one, as a Christian, can just see how God gave Lewis magnificent outlooks, which he then put on paper.
Since my thoughts are too jumbled or too few, I will say that I do have someone new in my life. He's a wonderful man; really, just lovely. Also, two of my amazing friends just tied the knot in a wonderful wedding. Honestly, I am just at a very happy point in my life. My relationship with God is becoming more and more focused on a day-to-day basis (I am learning this is a hard thing to do).
I did hear once that "Once your relationship with God finds a balance, everything else in your life will find a balance." and, honestly, I believe this is a point. A fine point, indeed. In the meantime, my thoughts have dissipated, I suppose I will submit to defeat right now. But until then... may your thoughts churn and your Holiday's be wonderful.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Comfort in Stars and Sunsets
How do you explain to your parents that you do not have to climb the corporate ladder in order to obtain God's love?
You don't. Not even in a million words. Instead I choose to become numb and shut down to their ceaseless arguments of how "I need to make myself into someone" or "I need to rely on myself in life". Though, sometimes my shut down has a few spats of retorts, because I cannot make them really believe that I buy into their idea of this corporate ladder.
At the time of my thoughts churning on all of this, I was sitting in a parking lot of Target, while on the hood of my car with a pen and paper. I would stop writing every once and a while in order to just glance at the stars. I kept repeating the idea that I really serve a God who cares about me, even when my home life isn't as ideal as the Brady Bunch. I found it comforting that all I had to do was walk outside and look up and remember there is Someone out there that does not require me to have this formulaic life as the rest of the world. Instead, He has hand picked me to do just the things He wants me to do. Just as He paints the skies everyday at sunset and just as we think He's done, He gives us stars in the night for entertainment.
Because sometimes we need it. We need to know that we are not alone in our thoughts and our beliefs. The sunsets and the stars that God gives us seem to bring us in and say "You're never alone". I needed it so badly last night as I sat underneath them and begged God to know what I was doing wrong and what I was missing. My parents are Christian's, amazing Christian's at that, but sometimes we just do not see eye-to-eye when it comes to, for the lack of better words, "letting go and letting God".
I'm told to provide for myself, to create my own paths and to think for myself. And no matter how many times I've told them what God has done in my life because I was not doing these things, it goes overlooked. I know it's going to take a heart change and for eyes to be opened, but I cannot do that. That is why I say "not even a million words". I am not the one to do the convincing and thank goodness - that would be draining and would cause a lot of strife.
What it has come to is that ultimately, God has my best interest at heart - because it is His. My parents do, too, of course, but something is still lacking. Through this, I have to be patient, understanding , loving and keep no record of wrongs (or the arguments).
I have seen what God can do in my life and this is another situation where I have to take my hands off and let Him guide again.
You don't. Not even in a million words. Instead I choose to become numb and shut down to their ceaseless arguments of how "I need to make myself into someone" or "I need to rely on myself in life". Though, sometimes my shut down has a few spats of retorts, because I cannot make them really believe that I buy into their idea of this corporate ladder.
At the time of my thoughts churning on all of this, I was sitting in a parking lot of Target, while on the hood of my car with a pen and paper. I would stop writing every once and a while in order to just glance at the stars. I kept repeating the idea that I really serve a God who cares about me, even when my home life isn't as ideal as the Brady Bunch. I found it comforting that all I had to do was walk outside and look up and remember there is Someone out there that does not require me to have this formulaic life as the rest of the world. Instead, He has hand picked me to do just the things He wants me to do. Just as He paints the skies everyday at sunset and just as we think He's done, He gives us stars in the night for entertainment.
Because sometimes we need it. We need to know that we are not alone in our thoughts and our beliefs. The sunsets and the stars that God gives us seem to bring us in and say "You're never alone". I needed it so badly last night as I sat underneath them and begged God to know what I was doing wrong and what I was missing. My parents are Christian's, amazing Christian's at that, but sometimes we just do not see eye-to-eye when it comes to, for the lack of better words, "letting go and letting God".
I'm told to provide for myself, to create my own paths and to think for myself. And no matter how many times I've told them what God has done in my life because I was not doing these things, it goes overlooked. I know it's going to take a heart change and for eyes to be opened, but I cannot do that. That is why I say "not even a million words". I am not the one to do the convincing and thank goodness - that would be draining and would cause a lot of strife.
What it has come to is that ultimately, God has my best interest at heart - because it is His. My parents do, too, of course, but something is still lacking. Through this, I have to be patient, understanding , loving and keep no record of wrongs (or the arguments).
I have seen what God can do in my life and this is another situation where I have to take my hands off and let Him guide again.
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