Lurve.

I suppose it's over confident and rather conceited, but why do guys bother with falling for me so quickly? It's not that I am having a full out complaint about this, because some girls don't get this "luxury". This "luxury", however, can be almost slightly unbearable.

See, girls are always presumed to be the prowlers and the jumpers in a relationship. By prowling, I mean we come off as the pathetic, bar hopping chick who will give the 'sex-eye' to any walking male. By jumper, I mean after the prowling and 'sex-eye' it's the jump-into-this-relationship-and-make-babies. While some of this may hold true to SOME women, most women these days have become very self-sufficient and have learned to be independent - knowing someone will eventually come along in their lives, without the prowling and jumping. This is the part where I blame the male species and all of their schemes.

I blame every male on this planet for making women believe that there is hope for true, undying love more than once in a lifetime. I will share examples of events in my lurve (I'd rather call it lurve than love, because I haven't quite found love yet) life for references to my points.

1. After dating a guy for two weeks one year, we were walking along the beach one night, I saw that "I Love You" was written in the sand. I stated that it was cute some guy wrote that and then he proceeded to hug me, with my WHAT!? face over his shoulder, and he confessed his "undying" love for me. We lasted another couple of weeks.

2. I once met what I thought was the guy of my dreams. He was insanely handsome, he played for my favorite Christian artist at one point in time and he still held a title of a studio drummer. He hadn't had a girlfriend in two years, so I was some lucky bait... at least I thought. I remember once we were in the car and he held my hand and was talking about how "Maybe... we're meant to be." You can only imagine my heart rate. Then came the promise ring and family meetings. Well not long after all of this, his real side seemed to kick in and the distance between us seemed to suffocate the lurve right out of us. We broke up.

3. My last example is the guy who was the sweetest. He was attending a legitimate university, he was about to start law school and he was always encouraging my passion for writing. If it weren't for the over haul of unrequested presents (I'm not that type of girl) that flew my way and his incessant calling every five minutes, maybe we'd still be together. Well, maybe not....

According my stats and to the above, my belief is that it is clearly the male species fault when it comes to a relationship and why it faults. I believe that if it weren't for the above statement and actions, maybe these relationships would have continued down a safe, slow road. Instead, the relationships jumped the curb into on-coming traffic and we both were taken down by a tractor trailing hauling a large gas tank. That's what I get. I am in no way shape or form regretting that these things happened. I am so very happy my time came to an end with these guys. My future would have probably involved some speed bumps (we were on the wrong side of the road). We had already missed the warning signs, so it was doomed from the first "I love yous", "We are meant to be's" and hundreds of dollars spent on goodies.

What I am trying to drill at here is that guys always blame the girls for going "too fast" in a relationship, when really, they're more guilty than they think. Their smooth talking seems to hint to a girl that they want something more serious, so we go for it. Maybe a guy should watch his step before assuming.

I heard once that guys enter a relationship thinking the girl will never change, while a girl enters a relationship hoping the guy will change for the good. That itself just proves the female and male species are both a ball of confusion and chaos - and when they collide, it's either lurve, love or death via explosion.

Some days, I really do miss these particular days;

life felt exciting.

But then I re-think my thought and I question myself:

Do I really, though?

My Carrie Bradshaw moment

I stood still, with my back turned. He called my name from that stupid blue minivan he sat in. My eyes were locked on the chair in the Starbucks lounge, while my heels turned to face him. Despite every bone in my body telling me to run or walk very quickly in the opposite direction, behind closed doors, my brain spasmed and I turned around to say "What?"

He smiled his creepy grin, while his big nose reminded me of why it all ended - drugs, not shallowness -and told me that "I don't have to run." Hilarious. I wanted to grab my non-existent gut and laugh hysterically. Instead, I just reiterated my "What" with more annoyance.

His attempts with let's-catch-up-in-two-minutes-while-I-sit-in-this-minivan were futile. His talk of his joining the Navy and my dry answer of "Cool" ended the conversation before the third minute could arrive. I walked away from the whole situation laughing, and I called my present boyfriend and exclaimed how funny it was; his amusement on the issue was dead. He ended up thinking I hugged him and we made up or out, whichever. I suppose he will never understand my dislike for that character in the minivan.

What I do know is that I looked mighty cute and I'm mighty glad I did. No ex-girlfriend wants to be caught looking like a drab... even if she dated a pathetic loser. It's already enough to say the sentence "Yes, I did date that...thing... once in my lifetime." Sometimes, a young womans life can really be like an episode of 'Sex and the City'. I would like to dub that as my Carrie Bradshaw moment.

And why in the world was he in a minivan? Oh well.

Hobbies and Harley's.

Crikey. I wish the clever little thoughts that cross my mind and inspire me to write a blog came more often than once a week. It's highly annoying when one notices they've gotten behind on their blog, but, in reality, who reads this thing anyway?

Well, if anyone's interest is piqued, here goes a brain poop of thought...

I actually had a horrible weekend and the only highlight seemed to be the movie "The Hang Over". It's one of the funniest movie since "Knocked Up" and "Superbad". From the naked Asian jumping out of a trunk to the horrible scenes that end the movie that seems to reveal anything and everything that clothes cover. After the movie, Matt and I went to Dairy Queen where he failed to understand how my stomach could possibly be begging for a small ice cream cone at 10 PM. I then dubbed that the situation was one of those in which the male species will never comprehend, and there are no words a girl can form and say without blowing a circuit - so I responded with a "just because" attitude.

In other thrilling news, I get to see my brother today! He's a Marine and he may be returning back to Afghanistan, so he has leave at the moment. I'll also get to see his new wife (they've known each other for a whole 6 months and she's younger than me) and tease as much as I please.

I feel like there's so much to do lately. I need a hobby; a hobby that will keep me so busy that my little mind won't know what to do. Then, I'll learn to hate that hobby and ask why I wanted one in the first place - then the process will start over again. Amazing how the mind of a woman works. I also need to get things done before school starts again in the Fall, but then I question "What the heck are these things?!" I just know there are things. Ew.

In the meantime, I'm going to go and ride my sweet Harley around this town, smoke Marlboro Reds and contemplate my life through self-help books.

Kidding.

I don't read self-help books.

Answer, please.

What does it all mean?

You contradict yourself at least twelve times in a matter of twenty minutes. You're about as protective as an alligator in any zone of water. You're quick to assume that my thoughts are elsewhere when I am quiet. You want me to be open with you, so I am, but when I try to pry the latch to your door of life, you have "nothing" to share.

What does it all mean?

You have to believe that you're always right. I try to call you out on certain things, but you justify every action; you could make a tiger look like a kitten if you wanted. Is it manipulations?

What does it all mean?

I cannot hang out with old friends, because the crowd I was previously in was bad... but where are you tonight?

I want to believe that this can work. I want to believe that maybe this really isn't you, because this is not who I knew in the beginning. You say my anger is not something you knew in the beginning, but have you heard the way you talk to the opposite sex? Try wearing a new pair of shoes. Try switching your attitude, and maybe, just maybe, you will see.

Until then, I'll be in the verge of tipping the cup over. The water is almost full; there's only so much I can take. Don't do this.

What does it all mean?

Contentment in growing up.

The perks of Facebook come in many forms of stalking. You can become a creep subconsciously and statements such as "Crazy that I see you today. I was just on your Facebook last night!" are no longer considered socially awkward, because one will more than likely get the response, "No way! I was on yours, too!" Are you catching what I'm throwing?

I was on Facebook earlier today and I was looking (or creeping) on my 'old' friends from high school and a thought crossed my mind. This single thought that made other thoughts unfold.

"When are they going to grow up?!"

This may sound slightly judgemental and it may come off a little condescending, but slow that roll - it's not intended to come off that way whatsoever. It's more to question the mindset of where one should be in their second or third year of college. One would assume position of responsibility, for example, losing the taste of parties and the amount of alcohol consumed. But, unfortunately, they don't. Instead, they begin to wander into parties held by those that are still in high school or just still partying with the same crowd. Quite frankly, it's not my cup of tea.

I began to see it my junior year of high school. I was new to the school and barely knew a soul, so when I would go to the parties with my recently-made friends, I'd see these older kids there. It did not really set in until senior year, that these 'older kids' were actually graduates from many years prior. That's when my mind was made up to never become that person, and I never have. So, I gather that it is not so surprising that these few that I graduated with are still doing the drink-'til-they-drop deal.

Call me an old fart or boring, but I'm happy I grew up a little after graduation. Once the doors of graduation flew open, it was literally like I never heard from more than half of my "friends" again, and I was content with that. I figured I'd probably put on my big girl shoes and walk on with my life. I've always known that I want to be successful and success cannot be found in a bottle of beer or with people who, outside the realm of partying, would not understand my goals. I'm starting to sound like a Starbucks junkie. You know, one of those people who sit at Starbucks, contemplating life and smoking packs of cigarettes in one sitting? But in all reality, I really am glad to be the person I am today. Without the stern talks and pushes from my mom, I would probably be one of those doing a keg stand in a picture. Did I mention those pictures posted on social websites can destroy a future job?

I don't mean to trash talk anyone. I just wonder when they're going to pick up and move on. Those who believe the drinking and partying is 'fun' and go by those silly quotes such like, "You only live once" are really missing the bulls eye of life. Perhaps, I really am just a boring ol' gal, who would rather hang out and go bowling or even go to church than to a party where every mindset is to get as 'shwasted' as possible and drive home.

What ever it may be, I'm 20-years-old and I'm happy to be where I'm at. I would not have it any other way.

Stop. Collaborate and Listen.

"I don't know. But I've watched them here for twenty years and I've seen the change. They used to rush through here and it was wonderful to watch, it was the hurry of men who knew where they were going and were eager to get there. Now they're hurrying because they are afraid. It's not a purpose that drives them, it's fear. They're not going anywhere, they're escaping. And I don't think they know what it is that they want to escape. They don't look at one another. They jerk when brushed against. They smile too much, but it's an ugly kind of smiling: it's not joy, it's pleading. I don't know what's happening to the world."

That is one of my favorite quotes taken from the book that I am currently reading, Atlas Shrugged. It's an amazing book so far and it is so well-written that I recommend it to any bookworm. Other than my attempts at trying to sell this book to a pair of eyes and an open mind, that passage itself made me wonder: "Why are we always in such a rush?"


There are certain moments in ones life where they stop and actually, well, think. They may think about the future, about the past and only stop to think about the present only to relate it to the future and if there is a chance that, what ever may be going on in life currently, will be rewarding or prove to be of no use. With that said, my moment of reflection was what my step-dad (or pops) had said at the dinner table the other night:

"You know, I heard something interesting today. They were saying on the radio that it is useless to think about the past or the future. If you constantly reflect on your past, and if it was a horrible past, your attitude will constantly be horrible. If you constantly try to see into the future, then you're always going to be worrying. They said that if you just stay in the present then there isn't much to rush."

Now, I may have not gotten the quote exact, but I'm sure you get the point. All of us sitting at the table found it quite intelligent. I suppose it's because there never is an acknowledgement to just stop and remember that the past is over, the future is barely foreseeable and the present is all we have. We're always in a rush. Yet, we always wish to be on a beach somewhere, lying with someone we love or someone really attractive and to have no care in the world besides the sun burning our little noses. But when it comes down to reality, we know that our Blackberry or iPhone must be by our sides because we cannot be cut off from reality cold turkey. No. No, it does not work that way. There seems to be such an indifference or even a naivety that we do not want to face that we're in a loop to be constantly busy.

One can argue that our generation lacks any of the above-mentioned and that argument could be proven to be true, but not in my case. My case stems from the fact that my mother is a control freak. Not the one that is a hoverer, but one that pushes and pushes to the extent that it is utterly annoying, and you are counting down the days that you're free from her. But, it turns out that I have to turn around and say to my own little mother - "You're right." All that she has ever wanted for me in my life is to be successful. Sure, she's been incessant in seeing this done since the day I learned to talk. She's been relentless ever since then and I really cannot blame her one bit. Maybe one day I'll thank her for never allowing me to become a human being that never amounts to anything. I was always pushed to make better grades, to work in a better place or to surround myself with better friends. One day I will thank her.

In the meantime, I'll continue my rant as to why we're always going. There may not be anything truly wrong with always going, but why can't those who are 'on-the-go' constantly just stop - stop to think about what they're actually doing. Personally, I feel the need to be doing something all of the time. If I'm not working, I want to be in school, and if I'm not in school, I want to be doing anything besides nothing. Does this make sense? I apply this all to myself. Even my other half wonders why I must always be going.

I don't want this to be a blog about "Finding your inner self" or finding an "inner purpose", that's all crap. This blog was more to lay a finger on that knot that binds our lives to be some constant spin of trying to accomplish everything in our path. We're all meant for something. It's just about taking the time to stop and focus in on it and then take that step, not leap, forward.