Focus and Humility

My life has become incredibly silent, and in this silence there seems to be much focusing. The focus is clearer on more days than others, but I will keep fighting against the current. I've been keeping myself busy with photography as a way of distraction. In my distraction, I keep capturing the little things in nature that I've never seemed to notice before. These 'little things' happen to have been in my backyard for the past four years that I have lived in my house. I suppose I've been so wrapped up in my own life, in my own selfish deeds that I've never taken a chance to walk out of my backdoor to see its beauty.

I have discovered twigs that leave me in awe. I have discovered flowers that I never knew existed; and it's all of this that is drawing me closer to God. These pictures captured are bringing my focus into a clearer vision that God has everything under control. Like, here's a God who can control galaxies right down to this:

What? We have a God who provides us with random Oranges on trees? We have a God who provides weak stems with strong stems? We even have a God who gives us a beautiful sight of flowers. That's not even a question -that's a statement. How can such images be so easily overlooked? Is it just the 'necessities' of life that overrides every bit of these things? How can these beautiful, tangible things be found in my own backyard without my acknowledgement from the beginning? Talk about humility at its finest.

And here it is. God's reminding me that it's really all in front of me. God's taking my eyesight (while placing it in front of a camera lens) and telling me to LOOK. To truly, wholeheartedly look. This is what I've found. Furthermore, it may be ironic to say that when Corey spoke in front of the Church on Sunday, he kept saying the word 'focus' was laid on his heart. I believe, through Corey, God was and is reminding every one of us that maybe, just maybe, if we take our eyes of this fast paced society and actually look, we'll find something we've missed all along. What ever it may be, it could have been there for a couple of days or years, but all God wants you and me to finally focus.

It's taken a situation, silence and a camera lens for my brake lights to come on, but that's okay.

"And as I peer off into the distance, watching the sun roll on by; beautiful colors all around me. They're painted all over the sky. And the same hands that created all of this, well they created you and I. What a beautiful God. Yes, what a beautiful God. What am I that I might be called your child? What am I that you may know me, my King? Yes, what am I?

That you may die and I may live?" - Shawn McDonald

Relenting.

“You won’t relent until You have it all.”

That’s precisely the statement that sums up the course of my life at the moment. I’m not quite sure of the readers standing with God, so I do not want to come off super-spiritual or condemning. The following that is written is about my experience thus far with God.

There seems to be seasons in life when the relationship one starts up with God is comparable to a car that’s been sitting in subfreezing temperatures. So, let’s say that as I’m walking out to my car, hoping to find it a bit cozier than the outside, but it’s still rather cold - nonetheless, a shield from the blistering cold outside. As I pop the key into the ignition, I expect warmth right away. Instead, I’m met with cold air from the vents. This is all due to the lack of warmth the car had been sitting in just a season earlier.

I suppose I’ll make this crystal clear since, I’m sure, you’re wondering where I’m going with this. I’m the one attempting to start up this car for warmth – A.K.A – God. Just a season before, I had been warm and cozy with this feeling of having God in my life, saying He’s number one in my life, but only truly showing it when I was worshipping or when I was reading my Bible. That’s it. It wasn’t even an hour later I was back to being garbage; which, in return, would make me feel utterly guilty. Figuratively speaking, I would put myself in a jail cell and stay there for a couple of days. I would surround myself with guilt and my emotions would take complete control. Meanwhile, God still had me on a fishing pole, reeling me closer and closer towards Him.

To keep this remotely clever, I’ll complete this idea with my season of being the fish out of water; the suffocating and struggling fish. There’s a reality in that statement that I have yet to put into full focus, but I can see it vaguely. Which explains my situation now.

Here I am now, the little fish that has finally been reeled into God’s glory and is ready to, for the lack of a better word, ‘participate’. I seem to have come to the realization that I want the true type of relationship with God. One that doesn’t waver on what I’m feeling that day or how my relationships outside of God are going. I want God to be number one, as He should be. So far the adventure has been heartbreaking. It’s completely true that God will give and God will take away. I’ve learned to come to terms with things that have to end while I am learning to place God above everything. Sorting out my relationship with God means to literally take those things that are either hindering or covering up His shining glory and put them to the side.

With that said, for however long it takes for me to become stable with my relationship with God, I am not and will not let anything interfere. It’s going to be tough because I am merely human, but this is truly the only way I am going to better myself for any future relationship other than God. I’m more than anxious to grab hold and see what else is in store – heartbreaking and/or exciting.

The next verse to the song above is how I’d like to end this blurb.

“My heart is Yours.”

Today I learned...

This post will be written from a viewpoint that took place on Friday. So, when I say "today" I am referring to Friday.

Exposures can happen in many different instances. For example, you can be exposed to sunlight, or H1N1 or to a life-changing event. My recent exposure came when I opened a new door in my life. It was similar to sunlight, something like H1N1, and very much of a life-changing event - all tangled into one, it went like so.

Today. Today I learned that there is more in this world than Christmas spirit. Instead, there's a spirit of greed and a spirit selfishness. I don't want to say these things cynically, but it's so easy overlook these things when we're consumed with days like Black Friday. Today I learned that my money isn't my money at all. My money sits in an account that "makes the world go 'round", but today I learned that there's a world that has stopped in certain places, and money is to blame. Today I learned that I have a bed to sleep in, while there's someone with concrete to support their dreams. Today I learned that hot food means more to those who don't have it every day than to those who can easily order it from a fast food chain.

Today I learned of three new names - Eric, Lazarus, and Janette. Today these three names have been engraved onto my heart. Today I wanted to share friendship more than I ever have before. I wanted sell my belongings and prevent a lifestyle such as these three have from leaking. The cracks of society seem small, but once I was placed in the middle of society and its cracks, I truly saw the enormity of it all. The cracks are vast, wide and absolutely terrifying.

Today I learned that I have amazing, amazing, amazing friends who want to join together and fill the cracks that were caused by the wrong with the right. These friendships alone glow with the love that is needed to help right the wrong.

Today I saw the sun shine in some very dark places. Today I saw a living virus called homelessness spread to the those who haven't been able to attain everything they've ever wanted. Today I saw Justice being Served right in front of my eyes and the exposure was the most incredible experience thus far. Today I learned that I still have so much to learn, and every lesson learned will ultimately put reality into focus on why I am alive.

"We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet.

We will run this race for the least of these.

In the darkest place, we will be Your light."