A Breaking Light

I cannot understand this. I do not know how to correctly dissect what I have been coming across recently. I know what is about to be said may sound strange, but I guess it is worth a shot. Again, this is only just recently, but every song that catches my attention, and makes the machine in my mind click into analyzation mode, all sing about one thing: light.

Wait. Before I lose you.

Whether the songs are Christian or secular, they all contain a line talking about light breaking forth to cure some kind of darkness. I think the epiphany hit me as I was drying my hair in a towel, and Pandora was playing in the background. All three of these songs popped on in a row:

"Neon" by John Mayer (the live version, which is 19x better).
"Fix You" by Coldplay - "Lights will guide you home/ and ignite your bones/ and I will try to fix you."
"Collide" by Howie Day (which I almost skipped) - "The dawn is breaking/ a light shining through."

So, technically, "Neon" may not really qualify for the one liner, but neon does help in LIGHTing signs. But for the sake of argument, I have had a song on repeat in my car for the past week. It is a song by Phil Wickham called "Mystery". I literally feel myself become engulfed and soaked into the lyrics, that I almost break into tears when these words flood:

"Break down the door, come inside/
Shine down Your bright light/
I need a lamp for my feet, I need a lamp for my feet/
I want to hear the thunder of who You are/
To be captured inside the wonder of who You are/
I want to live I want to breathe/
To search out Your heart and all of Your mysteries."

I cannot begin to put into words what I feel when I am screaming out these words in my car. I keep wondering if something is broken inside of me, and I am just subconsciously ignoring it. Is God speaking through all of these songs to me? When my thoughts become overwhelming and the truth is shut out, is this God reminding me to pay attention? Helping me to keep forward and do not give into whatever crack is trying to become bigger? Maybe it is dealing with the fact that I have been praying for light to break forth in lives around me? Maybe God is answering in this odd way?

I have been praying a lot about light in lives; some awakening. In many different situations, whether it is regarding kids or friends or my family. I have just been praying for God's light to shine into some figurative, dark tunnel that feels utterly trapping. God knows what He's up to. I want to continue to listen, to seek and to pray. He is healing something and someone. I just know it. This felt so, so, so good to get out. I guess that is a first step of healing.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:9

Growing a Green Thumb

So here is the deal: I want to become someone who has a "green thumb".

Definition: Someone who is a good gardener, or good at caring for plants is said to have a green thumb.

I know. I know. I am not one for jumping the bandwagon for the going green movement nor am I the one who would rather ride a bicycle to work, rain or shine, every day. Although, these things do sound enticing - my calves would be nicely shaped - it is not logical in my mind. Rather, I have chosen to stick to something that is deemed more realistic and applicable in my life. Thus my green thumb is born. Plus, it would be fantastic to have a new hobby in my life.

I will keep anyone who is remotely interested up-to-date on how I am either keeping these baby leaves thriving and/or killing them. Tickle, the initial mini-plant that churned this idea, recently decided to be in plant heaven (sorry, bubbie... I knew I should not have left you alone for those three days), so I am slightly intimidated. So, starting tomorrow I will be setting a budget and heading to Lowe's for their plant life selection and to Target for their one dollar gardening tools.

Life through iPhone pictures

Below is a mix of life between the Two dollar Taco Tuesday's, Easter egg making/ people hunt, Reformation nights, trips to Orlando, early morning prayer and a visit to Petsmart. I thoroughly enjoy my friends.

Distinguishing at the Stop Sign

Lately I have been trying to find the line between submission, in a genuine, Christ-like manner and becoming a doormat. I feel that by distinguishing this line, I will have a better understanding as to how to approach certain situations. While these situations will remain anonymous and I cannot go into full detail of how I came upon this stop sign in life, I can say that it has been a long stop.

I have been sitting at this stop sign and putting one foot forth, then taking it back, thinking about it, and doing the process over again. Now I feel that I have run low on fuel and here I am trying to find this line. Again, last night I found myself driving and having this conversation in my head; I was debating with myself how Jesus dealt with his everyday life - the mocking, the slandering and countless other negative things - and how he submitted with such humility. I was so lost in this thought, that I became acutely aware of how selfish I was. I think it was the moment that I was grumbling and asking myself "Well, I wonder how much Jesus submitted?" The answer came like a swift kick to the shin:

He actually submitted His entire life.

I laughed out loud to myself. Oh, right... yeah, His life... for me... freedom... yeah. While it was humorous, it felt like I ran into a brick wall when my epiphany came. Now as I am reassembling myself from the hit, I am fearful of messing up or becoming a ball of stone as I am trying to find this line, trying to distinguish where I am supposed to stand as a Christian and my submission to authority. I will admit that it is painfully hard at the end of the day to see how much I take when trying to be the genuine Christian I am supposed to be, but I also know Christ suffered far more than I ever have or ever will.

"Submit yourselves to your authority with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps." 1 Peter 2:18-21

Honestly, after reading that, I feel that I have no excuse. Even feeling remotely sorry for myself and asking for sympathy is pathetic. Perhaps what it crumbles down to is that I may feel this hardship and the oppression at every side, but at the end of the day... God is for me, and if He is for me, who can be against me. That is not a question; it is a statement. I just need to keep this as a daily reminder. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This line seems clearer from here, but I must keep trekking forward in order to find that, maybe, there really is no line. The only line I can recall now is one that Jesus drew in the sand, asking "he that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone..." and as the stones were dropped, the woman was won to Christ. So these stones that are thrown from this world may be painful and may cause me to run three miles without a care, but I know I am taking these hits for a reason. A wiser and more knowledgeable reason far out of my reach, but one day it will make sense.