Loving my enemies. Yes, yes that is what I suffer from. This is the one thing that I find most challenging when it comes to my every day living. It's not the forgiveness that I find hard nor is it the forgetting part. It's the bitterness that bites and tears at my insides when the person repeatedly does the action of what ever I had already forgave and forgotten them for.
This happens more at the work place than any other setting and I cannot stress enough at how badly I am burned by the annoyances. Whether it's a co-worker who is the annoyance or a call, I feel like I am eaten alive by these daily irritations and I feel overwhelmed. What it comes down to is that I am not loving my enemies. See, even the word 'enemies' sounds so harsh, like, I'm about to step into a battle; therefore, let's change the word 'enemy' to 'adversary' for the time being.
Okay, let me be blatantly honest for a second or two and write out what I am truly feeling - I probably will regret this. Opinions, we all have them, we are all familiar with ours and we tend to throw them like darts when we're offended in a conversation. Let's just say that one is to work with a very highly opinionated person who has recently been noted as an 'adversary'. The problem is, is that these opinions that this person holds are used in times when they aren't asked for. For example, imagine it's story time and you're reading a book to children whom have just found out that the Three Little Pigs are being harassed by the Big Bad Wolf. Suddenly, one child spurts out that, really, the Big Bad Wolf has every right to be blowing down their houses and there's no if, ands or buts about it. Story time is ruined.
Must be slightly annoying to the story teller. Try having this done during adult story time and about serious conversations. Opinions are thrown around the office I work at like flying missiles, when no one asked for war. It's absolutely mind-boggling to me that one would think that their opinion overrides whatever it is (like, let's say, raising money to feed the needy on Thanksgiving). The opinions, or missiles, that are thrown in my direction are always aimed to offend. Honestly, I cannot fathom why anyone would want to do such a thing to anyone. My opinion? If you don't like what I'm saying, don't share. I don't share my thoughts on everything I disagree with your life. Why?
Because it's not my place.
Back to loving my adversaries. It's extremely tough. I have Bible verses written so I catch myself before throwing a missile back, but sometimes my own self kicks into gear. I cannot stand my actions or myself in those moments, but what am I to do? Love my adversary. That's the only answer I know. Love them because that's the right thing to do. But really, all I want to do is love them because it'll kill them. It's put such a bad taste in my mouth, but I have to persevere. Grudges are something I've never been good at, and it'll remain that way. I suppose I'll continue on my way while bringing forth a good manner when the situation arises.
Love my enemies. No matter what. Right? Right.
If only the path to saintliness was a little easier! :P
ReplyDeleteHey, you shouldn't feel bad though. You're doing more than most people by actually trying to contain yourself and love your enemies. Just try not to suffer from the same syndrome that used to plague me and still to an extent does, what my friend so 'drolly' calls Ned-Flanders-syndrome. Don't lock it up inside you all the time so that when the perp finally hits that last straw you flip out and react disproportionately because you have been annoyed on a continuous basis. Have a quiet word with them - they'll probably tell you to buzz off, but again, you can but try.