It's going to be beautiful, brother.

It has still been since June 15th that you decided to take the scissors to all that was around you. And I don't know why today in particular it is extremely hard for me to even think about. This may even come out quite nonsensical in the end, but at this point I don't even care much.

I have been so selfish lately.  My own selfishness has gotten in the way and now it's the point of pride vs. pride in this game. It has to stop now, because the enemy likes it far too much and he is just dragging you further, and my cold shoulder to this situation like a helping shove into those valleys. I think the things that I have tried to tell you have grown stale and tasteless to you, but I don't care. I will never stop telling you how sorry I am to have been such a crappy sister to you. I wish I could take back every degrading thing I've ever told you before and I wish I never participated in the things that did not build you up.

While God was building you up, your own family was taking a hammer to it.

I think the thing that surprises me the most is how I was growing closer to God as you were loosening the strings to your relationship with Him... all at the same exact time. But again, I was too selfish to even notice. Slowly, you were making an exit and slowly I was beginning to see His glory. Now that you've taken your exit and now that you have decided to live this life that isn't close to the way you know you should be living makes me so weary. I think it is because you know... like, you KNOW how you should be living but you decided that your rebellion needed to get out. Again, that is a lie that is picked up far too often. I already know that if something horrific were to happen, in a heartbeat you would ask for forgiveness from God and you would want back right then, because you could never doubt Him (I know this because you did agree). But still... you continue.

It's to this point now where I have to put off my pride in this and continue to love you; love you until there are bruises and there is bleeding, because that is how much I love you. Even if I did not show it before. I will fight for you, because I cannot be another helping hand in this. You were created for so much more. Even my old birthday cards tell these stories. Your written scriptures, trying to encourage ME, the old unbeliever, to come to know God, because He knew His plans for me. I suppose now it is your turn... no matter how much I hate that, but God works out everything for His purpose. So one day, one very beautiful day, God will turn this around to glorify Him. You know what will be said?

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done. The saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

And it's going to be beautiful, brother. And then the angels will rejoice... because you are back.